jokes are most certainly illegal. knock knock you say? ill tell you who’s there. the fucking police.
can you imagine celebrities sending each other ugly snapchats?
every guy thinks their dick is big and every girl thinks their eyebrows are great
IF YOU SEND ME A MESSAGE WITH CAPS LOCK ON THEN I HAVE TO REPLY IN CAPITAL LETTERS TOO IT’S THE LAW
(Note: Source Links in the Years)
- 2017: tumblr user thatsmoderatelyraven’s fluffy chicken makes a guest star appearance at the new president’s inauguration. “it’s been my life goal to meet you” says the president
- 2020: tumblr has tripled the amount of blogs registered. Every pun imaginable has been made, all photos of random things in rooms have been taken in HD format, all quotes have been said. There are no more recognizable url’s, even fahjtekysuleirdtyrzdsd and jiput4qwar8tgahwsf8g9bosdiv are taken. It is a dark time. The end is near.
- 2023: Arthur has just begun its 26th season
The new voice actor’s voice has become so squeaky that only Arthur fans’ dogs can hear him
- 2025: scientists are still scrambling to figure out what “zigazig ahh” is so that they can give the spice girls what they really really want
the spice girls are getting impatient
war is upon us
- 2053: a girl lays on her bed wearing vintage ugg boots. ‘I was born in the wrong generation’ she sighs as she listens to taylor swift and cries over a one direction poster.
- 2066: physical contact has been outlawed. hug dealers tenderly embrace people in the dead of night and shady people hold hands in dark streets
- 2068: Sam Winchester is 85 years old. He begins to suffer severe heart problems caused by being old as fuck. Dean gets in his motorized wheelchair and goes to the nearest crossroads at a speed of 3mph and trades his soul for Sam’s life. It is at this point that even the crossroads demons are beginning to worry about the Winchesters’ unhealthy codependency problems.
- 2088: there is only one tree left. the tree is cut down and used to make a newspaper with the headline No More Trees
- 2137: You open your tumblr profile, again after many years. You click on the message box. 1 message. You click on it.
‘Yes, same here! :)’
And you don’t know what it was referring to beacause you don’t have a fucking sent messages box.
- 3009: a group of humans listen to boom boom pow. when fergie says that she is so 3008 they all stand shocked and realise. fergie is now behind the times. fergie herself has become 2000 and late. this is unbelievable news to the humans. hours later the planet descends into war and chaos.
- 4000: 500 years after the last great war.
Humanity survives in small nomadic tribes.
One tribe has uncovered an ancient artifact from before the wars. They believe if they can solve its riddle, they may be able to unite humanity once more.
What’s amazing is how well some of these fit together…
im gonna cry
"too vague" writes my English teacher on my essay
kind of like the instructions you gave us you piece of shit
rich people don’t get to be sad
Uuum yeah. Having wealth does not exclude one from sadness.
Go buy a thousand puppies
someone photoshop me into a picture with santa pls
NO PLEASE STOP SENDING ME THIS I CHANGE MY MIND
i’m sending this one to my parents
I saw a kid at the exhibit center in an orange shirt but we didn’t get out so I don’t know if it was Percy y’all
“Seven hundred feet tall,” I said. “Built in the 1930s.”
“Five million cubic acres of water,” Thalia said.
Grover sighed. “Largest construction project in the United States.”
this dam post
Did you check the dam snack bar tho
that’s the spirit
OH MY FUCKING GOD DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST FUCKING SAID? DO YOU REALIZE HOW AMAZING THAT PUN WAS? THATS THE SPIRIT???!?!?! THAT IS THE FUCKING SPIRIT YOU DICKSUCKING FUCKBUCKET THAT IS THE FUCKING SPIRIT. THAT IS ALCOHOL. NAY, NOT SIMPLY ALCOHOL. IT IS A SPIRIT. YOU ARE LITERALLY LOOKING AT THE BOTTLE OF BOOZE HE IS DRINKING, AND YOU ARE POINTING OUT THATS THE SPIRIT WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY APPLAUDING HIM FOR DRINKING DURING GRADUATION BY SAYING THATS THE SPIRIT. YOU MY GOOD SIR HAVE SUCCEEDED TODAY. YOU HAVE SUCCEEDED IN MAKING ME PHYSICALLY BOW TOWARDS YOUR GREATNESS.
THATS THE SPIRIT.
THAT IS THE FUCKING SPIRIT.
That is the best reaction to a pun I have ever seen
you wanna fight? alright let’s take this outside! the stars are so bright tonight. the moon looks so nice. hold my hand
when youre out in public and you see someone using tumblr and youre just like ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)